Connection or Camoflouge?

How many women have you heard say, "I'm not like most girls. I'm very different. I don't look at sex as an emotional thing. I relate more to men when it comes to relationships, sex and dating.", etc.

I am not judging, believe me. Because I have been that girl. I have NEVER been one to assume or expect that because I have engaged in sexual activity with someone that love, a second date, or even a phone call should follow. Many times, I have played the heartbreaker. Engaging in one night, a few nights or a few weeks of casual and temperal pleasure; only to shut down any attempts by the other party to further the relationship beyond merely sex.

When the issues of, "Maybe we should get to know each other better (non sexually)" begin to arise, I haul tail! I'm being very transperent here.

I HAVE been that girl, with a million reasons why I'm not interested in moving past the casualty of fornication/adultery/pseudo-friendship. Claiming, "I'm like you! [to a man] I'm not really all emotional, I don't get women who get all wrapped up in sex and guys and they're in love after one night or just a few dates." Quote me. I've said it before believe me, it was probably a little harsher when said in real time. [ Hind's sight is 20/20, but that's neither here nor there ]

Anyway, this whole concept got me to thinking about the many women who claim to relate or connect to men in that sense.... I look at a woman's body and sexuality as being created to be submissive. Our sex is created to RECEIVE. Our reproductive system is created to NURTURE. Therefore, God must have equipped us as women with the natural patience, virtue and emotions necessary to be so SUBMISSIVE to both a MAN and a CHILD; on top of being submissive to GOD!

".... giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel..."1 Peter 3:7 (King James)
"....thy love to me was wonderful, passing the love of women." 2 Samuel 1:26 (King James)
and 1 Corinthians 11:8-9 (King James Version) "For the man is not of the woman: but the woman of the man. 9Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man."

First let me talk about why I found these scriptures very relatable.

1 Peter 3:7

In this scripture, women are acknowledged as being the 'weaker vessel'. Mainly in a physical sense, but I believe that when writing this letter Peter was also acknowledging the emotional tenderness of a woman in comparison to her male counterpart. Emotions are displays of the flesh. Therefore they hold relation to and are under the subjection of our vessels [flesh]. Further reading of the verse goes on to tell the husband to acknowledge that we are weaker vessels but equals in life.

2 Samuel 1:26

In this scripture David is in mourning for Saul and Johnathan. He writes that Johnathans love for him was great, surpassing even the love of women. I believe this again shows how the emotions of women are generally more intense and stronger than men. David was astounded and touched by the brotherly love they shared because the fact was this man showed him love deeply and truly the way women are known to love.

LASTLY,

1 Corinthians 11:8-9

Women were created FOR men. This is also evident in the story of the creation. Above all else women feel a need to be connected to men in some way deeper than men feel the need to be connected to us. It is the universal God given "purpose" of a woman. To be the help meet for a man. Just as man [humankind] is created with the purpose of worshipping and glorifying God.

DONT GET ME WRONG! I am not saying that God has placed us ALL here to be married and have husbands. I do NOT believe that is true, but what I am saying is due to the nature and reason of our creation, we tend to naturally desire what we were originally purposed for.

I say all this to say, what if our attempts to 'relate to' or 'connect with' men in regards to sexuality and emotions in relationships, supress a fear of disappointment, abandonment, rejection...etc? We deep inside long for the emotional love and long term commitment from a man, but have noticed how men can seemingly avoid heartbreak much easier than ourselves. Therefore in a self preservation attempt, we mimic (to be an imitation of; simulate; resemble closely. ) their aloofness, their casualty, there give love to get sex personas. Eventually, this mindset consumes our lives and we are no longer able to deferientiate between what's counterfeit and what's really us.

I've found that since I've been trying to avoid stepping outside of God's ordained sanction for my body (through marriage) If I somehow slip and fall (no matter how BIG or small the sin) my emotional desire is heightening. Where as before, I could walk away from a situation of sorts with no second thought or desire; Now, not only do I feel the shame and guilt of sinning against God, but there is a PULL for emotional connection that was once surpressed.

Is it possible that God is removing the 'wall' or barrier that has guarded my true self and my true nature? Hebrews 4:7 says that when we hear the voice of God in our lives we should not harden our hearts to Him. "So God set another time for entering his rest, and that time is today. God announced this through David much later in the words already quoted: “Today when you hear his voice, don’t harden your hearts.”"

The more and more God is revealing to me about my purpose as a woman in Christ, the more and more the 'me' I thought I was is erased. The more I see how DANGEROUS it is as women for us to engage in casual sexual activity and emotional lust. What it does to our spirits and takes away from us is far too precious and far more valuable than.... dare I say....

the temporary feeling of bliss in a 2 minute orgasm (or multiple, hey who knows.) or...
an overnight 'cuddling' session with a man who WILL leave in the morning or...
sharing your body with a man God has NOT ordained for your life. Not only are you committing adultery on your husband to be, (because GOD has already PURPOSED YOUR LIFE! Romans 12:2, Jeremiah 29:11) you are partaking in it with a man who may be ordained for someone else's life.

I think as women of a higher standard we have to learn to LET THINGS GO. and allow God to break us down. My cousin told me the best thing I've heard in a while... "in order to have a break through, you have to be broken first."

It hurts, I dont want to be emotional. I dont want to have to avoid private dinners and intimate settings because Im becoming that woman who can be so easily wrapped up in the longing for a deeper connection with a man. But the truth is, as God brings you through, He breaks down some walls. And LORD knows, that was one of my highest... reinforced concrete and all.


Be Blessed!